Saturday, January 17, 2009

"So this coworker of mine made me a mix-CD."

"What's on it?"

"Oh my god it's the worst CD I've ever heard in my life."

"Well, it's not that bad."

"Oh, it is too."

"Wait, this is reminding me of the night I went to a movie with some friends and then around the corner to a bar for drinks and heard the worst DJ ever. You've never seen a guy so into being a DJ at a bar. What bomb would he drop on us now? That's right: 'London Calling.' Oh fuck no, he is not gonna play 'I Will Dare' next. Holy shit, he just did, and he hi-fived himself."

"That sounds far, far, far superior to this CD he made her."

"There's a lot of Jets to Brazil on it."

"What was that one line? Fuck, the one I had the violent reaction to in the car."

"I think it was about being in love . . ."

"Emo? The whole thing is emo?"

"And of course, what are all the songs about? Love."

"'Jesus Christ, she has a pretty face,' 'You're lovely when you're on the ground.' They're all pretty misogynistic. Daily affirmations by the straightedge pop-punk douche bags. I wish I could quote you verbatim the two lines I was thinking of--something like, 'If I were cigarette, I could seduce the nation with my smoke.' That's pretty close."

"That's his favorite song ever."

"This reminds me of an article I read years ago in Vice . . ."

"Oh god no . . ."

"It was an advice column saying, 'Don't ever make a mix-CD for a woman you've never had sex with [that you want to], because she'll ride around in her car listening to it with the guy she's fucking and laugh at it."